What I wish I had known before my first play party

by Bella T

Lovely Fate member Bella T shares her memory of her first time attending a play party.

It’s been a couple of years now, but recently (when meeting some first-time attendees at a Lovely Fate event), I found myself remembering the first time I summoned up the courage to go to a play party.

I was newly single, and determined that this would finally be the time in my life that I would make it happen – finally dip my toe into the world of kink and see if I there might really be people out there that truly shared my seemingly dark desires of bondage and uninhibited exploration of sexuality.

After much reading, researching and dithering, I sat at the computer hovered over the button to get myself a ticket. Would I really go to this thing… all by myself? What if the people were weird? What if it was scary?

Fuck it…

Click. Ticket ordered.

Two weeks later, and it was the night of. After going through about seven outfit changes trying to strike the right balance between sexy, classy, and what I thought might be appropriate for a BDSM play party, I settled on a little black mini-dress (cliched, but timeless!), and called myself an uber.

As I approached the venue, I felt myself becoming nervous. Nervous! I didn’t get nervous any more. And yet, there it unmistakably was. Butterflies in the stomach. A slight flushing feeling in my face. Oh, get over yourself Bella.

I got out of the car and took a look around. Not too sketch… quite nice actually. A couple chatting casually as they walked up to the entrance. They look pretty normal. Quite hot, actually. Hmmm.

Crunch time.

A cute girl greets me at the door with a big smile. “First time? Welcome, you’re in for a treat”, she tells me. And in she leads me.

What’s going to happen? Will I be jumped by groups of lecherous naked men?

The cute girl (Peach I think?) leads me inside and shows me around. She points out a coat check, the restroom, a play room. Play room? That sounds fun! I only catch a glimpse inside as Peach leads me past. And we arrive at a larger room, where people are hanging out. Just hanging out? Yes… talking, laughing, having a drink. These people look fun! Peach introduces me to another girl about my age who’s chatting with a small group. It’s her first time too. And we instantly connect.

And suddenly, I was where I belonged. People talked about their kinky adventures and exploits as if it was perfectly normal. No judgement from the people around, just knowing smiles. Some people wore collars, leather or latex – others were just in simple sexy dresses like mine. The thing that struck me most was how fucking friendly these people were. Where do you find a group of sexy people that are so god-damn welcoming? And in LA of all places?

As the night progressed, people started to play. I was surprised by how much sexy play there could be without necessarily just being sex. A captivating scene by a dominatrix who artfully dripped candle wax across her naked partner. A shibari master using sensually placed rope to bind his submissive into a state of subspace. And my favorite of the night, a scene with three gorgeous dominatrixes mercilessly teasing and edging a poor man tied to a cross (who was loving every minute of it).

Nobody jumped me. Nobody harassed me. Not only were the people I met respectful. They were downright interesting, charming, and awesome. One lovely man helpfully explained a couple of toys that were being used in scenes (whispered, so as not to disturb the scene). And then he asked me if I’d like to try some rope. Just like that! All these years of trying to get boyfriends to tie me up, and this handsome man I just met is offering to tie me like it’s no big deal! Swoon.

Now, ordinarily some alarm bells might go off at the idea of a strange man getting me into a state of helplessness. But – the beauty of a play party is that there are Play space Monitors – event staff that discreetly watch over play to make sure everything is consensual and everyone is good. In fact, the one Peach had introduced me to was right there, and so I felt safe in letting this nice man tie me with rope. And tie me he did!

I won’t bore you with the details of my scene, but suffice to say that I didn’t realize how great a rope scene could be when you’re being tied by someone who knows what they are doing.

I only did that one rope scene that night, and spent the rest of the time watching and meeting new kinky friends (some of whom are now my best friends!)

All this having been said… the thing that I wished I knew before I went to my first play party would be, is that once I went – I would wonder what had taken me so long to stop dragging my feet and just do it.

I hope you have as much fun at your first event as I did!