How to meet someone to play with
by Bella T
Want to meet someone to play with at a play party, but not sure the right etiquette? Read on - this one is for you!
If you’re new to play parties, then the idea of meeting someone and them being interested in playing with you right away may seem strange - even if also quite appealing. I’ll try not to get sidetracked into a whole rant about vanilla societal norms, but in our world it’s totally legitimate and not at all unusual to meet someone and then play with them right away. But… that doesn’t mean you can just grab someone and assume you can start playing with them. Here are some steps you can follow to avoid weirding anyone out (be sure to also be aware of and follow our Code of Conduct before trying to play with anyone).
Start by being aware - At many of our play parties, attendees may wear color-coded lights to indicate if they are open to meeting new friends, or looking to meet people to play with. That’s a good starting point to know who might be open to it, before thinking about asking them.
Attraction still matters - Just because someone is open to meeting someone to play with, doesn’t mean they are open to playing with everyone at the event. And even if they might be open to playing with you, that doesn’t mean that are ready to play right away as soon as they meet you.
Talk! - Start by saying hello. At many of our play parties, there will be an icebreaker game which is really about giving people an excuse to start talking to each other. If they seem friendly towards you, then try some simple questions like “is this your first time at a play party?", “how did you find out about Lovely Fate”, or “did you see that epic performer with the chains and the hula hoop, and the flaming electric guitar?”. If the person seems into chatting with you, then after a bit of banter, you can move on to the next step…
Ask them about play - This part is simple! Say something like “what kind of play are you into?” and see what they say. You might be surprised! The answer could range from shibari to spanking, to fisting to gangbangs, or anything in between. Or they might say they’re still discovering themselves, or they ran away from the nunnery for the night for a quick hanky-panky, or whatever. The point is, most people at our events won’t find this a strange question, and it sets the stage nicely for the next part…
Ask them if they’d like to play with you - Assuming there was some common ground between the kind of play the person is looking for, and what you’re into, and they are still having a conversation with you, that’s a pretty good sign that this person won’t be taken aback by this part. Say something like “That sounds fun! Would you be down to play?” If the answer is anything other than a yes, then you should be gracious and not ask them again (that would count as pressuring). But if the answer IS a yes, then great! Now’s it’s time to get really specific.
Discuss the details (aka negotiation) - This part might feel a little unusual the first couple of times, because it is a bit different to how things usually work in the vanilla world. But I promise that it makes everything better. Something like… “ok great, so I’m gonna tie you up with rope and tickle you. You’re ok with me touching you everywhere?” Or hey…maybe just a simple “down to fuck?” Maybe you thought you’d be doing the fucking, but they thought you’d be taking it! Either way, everyone will be glad that all those details got clarified ahead of time.
Do the deed! - Whatever weird & wonderful stuff you agreed to… now you can get down & do it. Have fun! If there is sexual play involved, we of course strongly recommend using protection. And remember, even if consent was given, either person can change their mind and withdraw consent at any time.
Aftercare - This is a concept that comes from the BDSM community - when you’re all done playing, it’s about spending a little time giving your play partner some nurturing energy. This might mean sitting and chatting, lying and cuddling, bringing then some snacks & water, or whatever works for you & your play partner. Even if super brief, this can be a lovely way of connecting together over the shared experience you’ve just had, and leaving things on a high note before you go your separate ways.
I hope you’ve found this guide helpful! I bet you probably knew all this anyway, but thanks for staying and reading to the end :)